Lockdown slam

Tabata is a form of high intensity exercise: you go flat out doing something like pressups, starjumps, anything really for 20 seconds, and then rest for 10 seconds, repeating this pattern eight times, varying the exercise if you wish. It is supposed to be one of the most time-efficient ways of burning fat and increasing levels of fitness. It is also a cool-sounding word that got me rhyming.

Best read out loud…

(Vivace…as fast as possible)
Nothing better to batter and knacker your body
Once slobby
Clothes once tight
Now baggy
Hang from your body like rags
All floppy
The flab shed from your abs
The weight displaced from your waist
Twenty seconds flat out
Times eight
Why bother?
Where are the girls to point and natter
And say look at those glutes, he’s cute
I’m sure he used to be fatter
His pecks and his six-pack
Even his neck’s looking trim
Yeah, I’d have sex with him


(Largo…slow and solemn)
We are in lockdown
Ten seconds warm down
There’s no showdown
No sign of a slowdown
Is this just for Tinder?
Meeting girls with my finger
A swipe to the right
To banter, to barter
Coronavirus is shite
That’s what’s the matter

(repeat 8 times)